{"id":715,"date":"2016-02-22T21:41:29","date_gmt":"2016-02-22T21:41:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/theinformalproject.com\/?p=715"},"modified":"2016-02-22T21:41:29","modified_gmt":"2016-02-22T21:41:29","slug":"just-blame-al","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aishkodesh.co.uk\/just-blame-al\/","title":{"rendered":"Just Blame Al"},"content":{"rendered":"

The following is from our first book, A Rabbi\u2019s Journal\u2026..I find the lessons very potent for today as well..enjoy<\/em><\/p>\n

Just Blame Al<\/strong><\/h1>\n

By Harav Y. R. Rubin Shlita<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n

I would like to ask the readers to spare a moment for Al. The past few months have witnessed enormous damage being wrought on much of the state of California. Unprecedented rainstorms have flooded whole tracts of land, thousands of homes have been lost and entire communities now find themselves under water. What has caused such dramatic chaos? A weather system named El Nino.<\/p>\n

Now I\u2019m no weather boffin so I can\u2019t explain what this El Nino is or why it has now become such a menace; be that as it may this storm front has a name \u2014 El Nino \u2014 and that\u2019s where Al comes in. Al lives in California, his family name is Nino, and so his telephone book listing reads Al Nino \u2014 get it?<\/p>\n

Well, poor innocent Al Nino has come in for all sorts of telephone calls. Folk demanding that he stop mucking about with the weather, irate farmers calling in the middle of the night, asking when he will turn the rains off. The seventy-five-year-old army veteran is at his wits end, but Al is a philosophical sort \u2014 \u201cPeople need someone to blame,\u201d says Mr Nino \u2014 and no, he will not change his telephone number, after all \u201cIt will all blow over.\u201d Yet people need someone to blame, it seems to make life\u2019s passage a bit easier.<\/p>\n

To the Torah Jew blaming others isn\u2019t enough \u2014 it doesn\u2019t absolve us from our responsibilities. Learning about ourselves is helpful when we use that knowledge to gain insights on how we can grow and overcome life\u2019s difficulties. There is an expression used of late, \u201cstuff happens\u201d\u2014 it points to a simple fact of existence: things happen, not things we would wish for \u2014 yet they happen and it\u2019s down to us to see this \u2018stuff\u2019 for what it is \u2014 an opportunity to expand ourselves spiritually. If not the pain has been wrought with no purpose \u2014 and that\u2019s sad indeed. Society today tells us that nothing is our own fault \u2014 everything we do is because somewhere in our past someone did us some injustice. This may perhaps be a way of understanding why we react in certain ways \u2014 but it is not an excuse to do wrong. The Yidden in the Midbar <\/em>were guilty of this when they fashioned the Golden Calf. There is a river in Egypt called the Nile \u2014 that\u2019s what they were in \u2014 \u201cDenial.\u201d When faced with the realization that from that point on they would have to build a relationship with Hashem through a service of mitzvos, they went into denial \u2014 everything they had experienced was set into a different light, one that would suit them. They sought a man-made Moshe that they would somehow control, one they could blame if things went wrong.<\/p>\n

Chazal tell us that honoring one\u2019s parents is one of the most difficult of the Aseres Hadibros. <\/em>It seems strange; one could think that paying back one\u2019s parents with some degree of gratitude would be quite understandable. After all they have done so much for us, playing a pivotal role in our very creation. However, people go into denial all to often. Any student of human behavior will know how much hostility and anger many harbour against their parents. They feel that their parents made tremendous mistakes in bringing them up \u2014 and because of these misdemeanors they are now themselves flawed and wounded. Well, parents are human \u2014 and are who they are, given their own experiences. It is an arrogance for anyone to judge them and then expect that when found guilty; our own psychological quirks will somehow become more acceptable. Life is about seeking out one\u2019s inner faults and trying to overcome them. It is right to try to understand what makes us who we are \u2014 but then we are meant to overcome any emotional baggage that hinders us \u2014 not by blaming others, which only enslaves in hate \u2014 but by using past experiences to gain positive insights. Many are the times when young students who are becoming more involved with a Torah lifestyle will tell me how they are angry at their parents. \u201cWhy couldn\u2019t they have sent me to a proper school? Why did they not keep Shabbos and instill in me a feeling for true Yiddishkeit\u201d \u201c<\/em>Stuff happens!\u201d I\u2019ll answer. \u201cYou don\u2019t know what their life was all about, rather be glad of what you have found and don\u2019t waste your efforts on blaming them.\u201d<\/p>\n

I once went to visit a Chassidishe <\/em>Yid who was sitting Shiva <\/em>for his late father. I knew that the niftar <\/em>was not frum and that he had made his son\u2019s life quite difficult when, as a boy, he became frum. <\/em>Despite, or perhaps because of, his background, the fellow had work hard and acquired a respectable position as a mechanech <\/em>and communal leader. After Maariv <\/em>my friend\u2019s son got up to speak of his late grandfather. The young Chassidishe kollel yungerman <\/em>stood there about to eulogise someone who was \u201ca finer\u201d but<\/em> definitely not the Zaidy such a varmer Chosid <\/em>would have felt close to. And yet, he spoke movingly of his \u201cGrandpa\u2019s\u201d midah <\/em>of Simcha \u2014 <\/em>how he always laughed, and brought that laughter to everyone he met. As the young Talmid Chochom <\/em>spoke I gazed at his father \u2014 and watched as tears rolled into his greying beard.<\/p>\n

Some months later I had occasion to learn together with that oveil \u2014 <\/em>it was Parshas Ki Sisa <\/em>and we were learning of how Moshe Rabbeinu asked to see Hashem\u2019s Glory. Some explain that Moshe was asking to be enabled to comprehend Hashem\u2019s unique nature. Others explain that in fact Moshe was asking to see the future so as to better understand the reasons for present realities. Hashem\u2019s reply was \u201cYou cannot have a vision of Me and still exist.\u201d Instead Hashem tells Moshe to stand on the rocky mountainside \u2014 then, according to the Chasam Sofer, the Posuk <\/em>indicates that by looking after events have happened (achorai) <\/em>one will be able to begin to understand why things happen as they do. Before time has passed \u201cufonai\u201d <\/em>you fail to comprehend such matters.<\/p>\n

My friend turned to me and said, \u201cYou know, all through my children\u2019s youth I was frightened –\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 because of no fault of theirs they were lumbered with grandparents who must have seemed \u2014 as aliens to them, they didn\u2019t know of Shabbos, Yomtov \u2014 or in fact anything that was central to our lives. Everyone else had Zaidys and Bubbies, my kids had Grandma and Grandpa. There were no shared seders, no special Yomim Tovim \u2014 and to make matters worse they spoke of things we didn\u2019t want our children to encounter. I felt guilty because I was the reason for all this difficulty, I tried my best to get through it all, sensitizing my young to the \u201cquirks\u201d of their grandparents. I just hoped that somehow my children would gain through their uninvited experiences. Then I heard my son speak at the Shiva \u2014 <\/em>and I realized, after the fact, that in some way good had come out of it all.\u201d<\/p>\n

Perhaps the aforementioned posukim <\/em>we were learning touched on my friend\u2019s success. The Torah speaks of Moshe standing on a rock \u2014 and then being placed by Hashem into a protective crevice. By having a home that was built on the rock of Torah that strived to aspire to ever-greater heights, the children in the family were gently protected by the special care that only Siyata Dishmaya <\/em>can afford. Instead of blame there was always understanding. Yes, stuff happens but it can be the stuff of light.<\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n


\n\u05dc\u05e2\u05d9\u05dc\u05d5\u05d9 \u05e0\u05e9\u05de\u05ea<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u05d4\u05e8”\u05e8 \u05d9\u05d5\u05e1\u05e3 \u05d7\u05d9\u05d9\u05dd \u05d6\u05d5\u05e0\u05e0\u05e4\u05dc\u05d3 \u05d6\u05e6\u05d5\u05dc\u05d4”\u05d4<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u05e0\u05e4\u05d8\u05e8 \u05d9”\u05d8 \u05d0\u05d3\u05e8 \u05d0’ \u05ea\u05e8\u05e6”\u05d1<\/strong><\/p>\n

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The following is from our first book, A Rabbi\u2019s Journal\u2026..I find the lessons very potent for today as well..enjoy Just Blame Al By Harav Y. R. Rubin Shlita I would…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":346,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"pgc_meta":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[48,30,28],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/aishkodesh.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/715"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/aishkodesh.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/aishkodesh.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aishkodesh.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aishkodesh.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=715"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/aishkodesh.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/715\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aishkodesh.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/346"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/aishkodesh.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=715"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aishkodesh.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=715"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aishkodesh.co.uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=715"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}