A new lease of life

By Harav Y. Reuven Rubin Shlita

Rav Elimelech Biderman related the following story about bitachon in Hashem.  There was once a Jew wandering in the desert alone. As he crossed sand dune after sand dune, he was startled to notice another set of footprints in the sand, alongside his own. As he wondered aloud whose footprints they were, a Heavenly voice called out and revealed that they were Hashem’s footprints, as He Himself was walking alongside the lonely traveler. The Jew was very pleased and happy to hear that Hashem was accompanying him the whole time.

Suddenly, he saw a wild animal approaching from a distance. As it drew nearer, he saw it was a lion, and at that same moment he also saw that there was now only one set of footprints! He was greatly distressed and, thinking that Hashem had left him, cried out, “Hashem, why have You forsaken me?  Father, save me from the ravenous lion!” Then he heard another voice call out from Heaven, “Fear not! Till now Hashem walked beside you each and every step of the way; hence you saw His footsteps alongside yours. Now, at this time of danger, Hashem is carrying you on His shoulders. That is why you see only one set of footprints!”

“After the worst of things, I had a chance to focus on what it is Hashem wants from me”

This story has long been part of my world view but little did I realize how it would manifest itself in my life. A few weeks ago I shared with you a snippet of an experience I had in hospital. I left things as I thought they were: on the mend and soon to be home. A few days later the phone rang at home and it was a nervous doctor telling me something about salt and my blood results. I wasn’t feeling all that well, and the message wasn’t getting through. Finally, the doctor stopped using the medical jargon and bluntly told me, “you have extremely low sodium levels in your body and you may go into a convulsion or have a coma at any time!” Well that message sunk in. “Go to the hospital now,” I heard a voice telling me. “They are waiting for you.” My hand was now shokeling of its own accord as I tried to marshal my jangled thoughts together. How should I tell the Rebbetzin? Who would take me to hospital? Does this mean I could die? All these thoughts railroaded themselves into my already fuzzy brain.  (A side effect of all this disturbs the brain’s capacity to think straight.) In moments the Rubin family was galvanized into a smoothly-running medical emergency service and I was soon ensconced in hospital with a line running into my arm. For three days I watched the liquid life being returned to my body; for three days I fought a singular battle. Doctors tell me I was lucky, that with such low levels it’s a miracle I lived to tell the tale. I don’t know anything about the odds or the reasons; all I know was that Hashem hoisted me on His loving shoulders and carried me through the storm. There were days when I didn’t know to whom I was talking, nor did I feel part of the rest of the world. All I can remember is that at some point I just committed everything to Hashem, knowing at my core that Hashem was totally in charge and bruising myself over the whys and wherefores would not help. Yes, the sweetness slowly returned; my usual sense of humour came back and I was able to share the more bizarre moments of my situation. Hashem carried me with a kiss and I was calm besides the chaos that enveloped me. After the worst of things, I had a chance to focus on what it is Hashem wants from me. After all, I have a new lease of life; what should I do with it?

I then came across something from the Rebbe, Reb Tzadok ztl that gave me chizuk. He asks what many do: at age eighty what did Hashem want from Moshe Rabbeinu? He was such a solid leader, doing Hashem’s will at every turn, yet, he was surrounded by those who talked about him using the worst lashon hora, every day brought new upsets and arguments. When would Moshe’s life run smoothly? When would he be rewarded for all his loyal leadership? Says Reb Tzadok, life is like climbing a mountain. Sometimes you come to a plateau which gives you time to recoup your strength and regain focus. Moshe was always working on his avodas Hashem, especially on his ability to remain humble, besides being in such a position of leadership. When faced with antagonism and strife he would stand on the next plateau and focus on his real tikun. We all have a mountain to climb, and when things seem to deviate from the script, we should take that moment to refocus on what is real in our lives.

Anyway, I am not ideally placed now to give mussar.  I share my story because this is a Rabbi’s Journal, and I happen to be the said Rabbi.  I have been writing this column for over twenty years, and it wouldn’t be right to omit significant chapters. With Hashem’s continuous help I hope to send my missives for many years to come.