The challenges of a pampered generation

The challenges of a pampered generation

By Rabbi Y. R Rubin

Some conversations take on greater meaning years after first experienced. I had the merit to speak to many Gedolim from the previous generation and what in some cases may have seemed just a whimsical remark then, comes back to mind now, showing how profound with understanding they were.

Once the Bobover Rebbe, Rav Naftoli ztl, shared a startling thought. He told me that Hashem had shown a great chessed to Klal Yisroel and gifted us fifty years to rebuild after the Churban.  In that time of benevolence we saw remarkable success with unbelievable results. Then, he sighed, that special Siyata Dishmaya ended, and we now face struggles heretofore unknown.

As one born into those budding years of rebuilding, I witnessed astounding events which would leave any observer breathless. From virtually nothing, mosdos were created and whole kehillos were born. There was a vibrancy that ignited the neshomas of those who had just years earlier been broken in mind and body. The building forged ahead, and although there was little money, somehow strength of will made the impossible seem just a bit more difficult but never insurmountable. Torah grew in ways previously unknown. Even pre-war Europe never boasted the numbers that were soon seen in these new Mosdos.

In this fertile environment one would imagine that all would continue apace; Yiddishkeit was alive and well, the pain and tears of yesteryear consigned to history. Boruch Hashem, we have witnessed a rebirth of Torah with proud vibrant communities growing in all corners of the Jewish world.

 Yet, as The Novominsker Rebbe has pointed out on numerous occasions, we have new challenges created from the “ready-made” Jewish world that we now inhabit. For most, a Torah lifestyle has come easy with few struggles; everything is given to us on a silver platter.

Read any heimishe periodical and you will notice pages of advertisements for glatt kosher resort adventures, designer wigs, and much more. It’s a Yiddishkeit that is almost anodyne and involving little personal effort. Into this new world has been born youngsters who seem to be falling away, leaving the path, “going off the derech.” What is happening? Why the obvious disconnect?

The answers are as many as there are disaffected youth, because each Yiddishe neshoma is unique and every single soul has its own tikun.

In Parshas Noso we read “Take a census of the sons of Gershon, them too, according to their father’s house, according to their family.” [ Bamidbar 4:21-22] We also see “the sons of Merari, according to their families, according to their fathers house shall you count them.” The Rebbe’s of Ger, The Beis Yisroel, the Lev Simcha and Pnei Menachem ztl tell us Bnei Gershon (the root of which can mean “stranger”) means the “fartribiner” kinder, the chased away children, whilst the Bnei Merari (Rooted in the word bitter) are the farbiteder kinder, the bitter children. These are indicative of the painful paths in which some of our holy neshomas can become moribund. Those “fifty good years” created so much to be proud of. We now stand on the shoulders of those pioneers and our next generations don’t have the merit of witnessing the Giants who made all this happen. What we are experiencing is painful but must be faced.

This is a complex scenario we are now living with and there are no easy answers, I just want to share some thoughts and hope a wider discussion can begin.

“Anger and bitterness comes when young people are made to feel lost and excluded. They need love, inclusiveness and a true sense of Yiddishkeit.”

What may need to be considered are new approaches. The Pachad Yitzchok ztl explains that our Torah was meant to be taught by fathers to sons. It was only because of difficult circumstances that the system was changed and teachers were introduced. As such, we have to realize that perhaps for many, the current system is broken and some fine tuning –as it was needed previously-is called for now. Anyone who knows anything of Jewish history will be aware that for many generations boys learnt in small groups being mentored by older students and Rabbonim. The youngster who could not follow a complicated chiddush didn’t feel excluded from Torah; he was given something else that suited his abilities. The system of shtiebels wasn’t perfect but it worked for many and we can learn some lessons from it. Many young boys can’t find a place in a crowded classroom where the standards are set high. We need to have the flexibility to accommodate everyone; no student should be excluded.

The Bnei Yissoschor tells us: “at the end of days, the neshomas are weaker, and they need to help one another…. because one lonely neshoma doesn’t have the strength to complete its tikun.

Therefore we need chaverim machshirim… friends who are listening … who hear you and are willing to help.

The Bnei Yissoschor saw that at the end of time it will be especially difficult and we would need friends who listen. The Kotzker Rebbe said: “in those days things will be so difficult at home emotionally  that we will be exempted from the wars we are taught about before the Moshiach.

We have a general feeling of lowliness in our world; a sense of despair and disconnection.

The tzaddikim tell us that in every generation there is a tzav hasha’ah, a call for the moment. Although everyone is called upon to keep the entirety of the Torah, each generation has a unique need that must be addressed. That is what the tzav hasha’ah means.

In our generation, it must be that which the Bnei Yissoschor touched on: chaverim machshivim, the need to be heard, to find chizuk.

The tzav hasha’ah of today is giving chizuk. In the past Jews were stronger, they didn’t expect much, and they lived with few ambitions. They really never dreamt of having very much. Today we are used to so much more than they had. We are weak in many ways, and this creates a certain neediness.  We just don’t have the fortitude of those who preceded us.

My direct experience with the Gedolim of that era of building was that throwing kids out of school was unheard of. We have a responsibility for each neshoma and no right to exclude. I heard this personally from a number of Gedolim. Also, that creating a false impression by excluding a kid from class whilst allowing him to wander the corridors is not a suitable answer. That child knows he is not wanted, and will chas vesholom harbour ill feeling. We are teachers; either we do so or we should close down.  Our mosdos must be the fount of chizuk and love.  Rebbes should be mentors who listen and care.

The Gerrer Rebbe has begun to change things within his own yeshivos. Shiurim for teens are no longer the norm; instead they are learning in small groups where every talmid finds his comfort zone. Make no mistake, the calibre of that learning is of the highest standard, something Gerrer Chassidus is rightfully renowned for. However, the current situation needs a new strategy and here we are seeing some of it in action.

Anger and bitterness comes when young people are made to feel lost and excluded. They need love, inclusiveness and a true sense of Yiddishkeit.

The Piaseczna Rebbe wrote a sefer called Chovos Hatalmidim in the 1930’s. It is a handbook written specifically for fourteen year olds.  Imagine that a Rebbe of thousands of chassidim sitting down to write a text book for teenage kids! In it he explains to each reader, each young adult, that he is holy, that he has a place in the Torah community, and can fulfill his individual tikun with Hashem’s help. His was also a difficult generation where youngsters were going off the derech en masse. He felt the answer was to give those kids back their rightful portion of Yiddishkeit, be it saying Tehillim , learning Gemoro or Shulchan Aruch. Even those who went to work were given direct chizuk in his sefer. They were vital, their lives worthy of help.

Allow me to mention that the situation with our girls is also critical, but it deserves its own discussion and hopefully we will turn to it soon.

I have written on these matters before, and will do so again, simply because I can’t find anything more vital. Modern technology is strangling our kids and schlepping them into the gutter. We can hold this back, but we may need to change!